


We're All BirdBrains Here

by Omnivorous_Reader



Series: Cuckoo (Birds) [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Crack, Fluff, M/M, My first fic, Penguins, Pet Names, Tony and Loki being weird, please be gentle with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2014-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-26 02:43:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2635067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omnivorous_Reader/pseuds/Omnivorous_Reader
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Stark! Who is so important that you can't listen to a briefing?!" Fury yelled. "A penguin." Tony said with a straight face, looking Fury dead in the eye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Since the Avengers had started to officially work together, they started to notice things about each other. One thing they found out about Tony is that he apparently texts flightless birds for the fun of it. Is this really a bird, or is there a person behind those feathers?</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're All BirdBrains Here

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my very first fanfiction ever. Please be gentle with the criticism. Reviews would really help me out! :)
> 
> I got this idea from other fics I've read. The scene where Tony is asked who he is texting and him answering "A penguin," has really stuck in my mind and I really wanted to share it.

The Avengers sat around the meeting room's table, listening to what happened an hour ago. They had just gotten back from a fight with Doom; who can apparently mass produce robots whenever he wants.

The team had only been working together for a month. Even though the team had fought Loki half a year ago, they had all gone their own way. The Captain had traveled America, discovering what he had missed in the last seventy years. Barton and Romanov had gone on several missions. Stark had rebuilt his tower and almost died from alcohol poisoning after Pepper Potts left him. Banner had tried to disappear again, but came back after Stark stopped sulking and wanted someone to talk to. And Thor came back to Earth, after making sure his brother was taken care of, to see his mortal friends, and the more than mortal friends, Jane Foster.

Fury sighed looking at the ragtag team assembled in front of him. They all looked exhausted, except for Thor who actually looked like he was ready to go into battle. He and Rogers were the only ones paying attention to the agent talking. While the SHIELD agents and Banner looked they were barely awake, Stark was texting on his phone.

"Stark." No response. "Stark!"

"Hmm?"

"Who is so goddamn important that you can't listen to a debriefing?" Stark looked him right in the eyes before answering: "A penguin."

Fury wanted to kill him. No, he was going to kill him. "Stark if you do not put the phone away right now, I will have someone take it from you."

"Oh, so people can sleep in class, but I can't have my phone? Isn't this country all about freedom? What about the amendment that states the freedom of texting?"

"Stark. Put. The. Phone. Away." Fury growled. "Come on Tony, just put it away," Steve sighed, trying to be the voice of reason. "Fine." Tony shoved his phone in his pocket, crossed his arms and sulked like a five year old for the rest of the meeting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Tony, who were you really texting during the debriefing?” Bruce asked the next morning at breakfast.

“Like I said, a penguin,” Tony answered, shovelling the pancakes Steve had just put in front of him into his mouth.

“Why would you associate yourself with such an odd foe, friend Tony?” Thor gave him a questioning look, which to be truthful, he wore a lot because Midgard was so different from Asgard.

“No, not the villain. A penguin, not The Penguin.”

“Tony, do you honestly expect us to believe you’re texting an animal?” Steve asked, half paying attention to the conversation and half the pancakes he was finishing.

“I bet he’s texting a hot super model and just doesn’t want to make us jealous,” Clint joked, with his mouth full.

“Yes Clint, Tony doesn’t want to upset you by dating someone hotter than you,” Natasha smirked as Clint pouted at her.

“Well, if you guys think that penguins are hot, then you’ve hit the nail on the head,” Tony grumbled, scowling at them. Everyone just laughed, thinking that this was just Tony being Tony. But soon it started to get out of hand.At every meeting, Tony was on his phone, obviously not paying attention to the speaker, or anyone near him. Then he started to do it all of the time. During movie nights, meals, and meetings for his company, well that one wasn’t surprising.

One day Steve had had enough. They had just come from a fight with Amora, where she had used the Avengers as her personal guinea pigs. Everyone had very odd and bright hair, and extremely long nails. Seriously, why? Nobody had an explanation. So, when Steve saw Tony texting on his phone when everyone else was thinking of solutions to their problem, you can understand why he was upset.

“Tony! Could you please stop texting and help us?” Steve was on the last of his patience and Tony wasn’t helping. So, when the billionaire refused to even respond, Steve plucked the phone out of his fingers. How was he even able to text with those nails?

“Hey! Give it back Steve!” Tony tried to grab it but Steve easily kept it out of his reach. Opening the phone, Steve’s eyebrows furrowed. What the actual hell? Every word between the two texters was “squawk” and the contact’s name was actually Penguin.

“Tony….. what is this?” Steve asked hesitantly. While he had been reading the texts, everyone else had crowded around to read them too. After Steve spoke, all eyes turned to Tony, who was standing a little bit away, shuffling his feet.

“I told you guys, I’m talking to a penguin.” Looking at each of them, he tried to give off an air that would convince them that he was not in fact crazy.

“Um, Tony, why are you texting a, um, penguin?” Bruce asked, not looking at Tony and wiping his glasses on his shirt.

“Yeah, Iron Butt, this is weird, even by your standards.” Clint helpfully added. This comment only gained him a few glares from the other superheroes.

“Guys, this is just me and a friend fooling around, nothing else,” Tony explained giving a hundred watt smile. The rest of the team gave him wary looks, not completely trusting him. “Look, how about we try to get our hair a reasonable color, because seriously Thor, pink is not your color.” Thor frowned at him, but agreed nonetheless. So, the team let Tony off the hook this time, but they all agreed silently that they would keep an eye on him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everything was going well for the Avengers, that was until Thor came back from one of his visits to Asgard with grave news. He came back in the early morning, catching the Avengers when they were just beginning breakfast.

“My friends, I bring news from Asgard.” Is all Thor says before he falls into his seat, making it groan in protest. Thor is still in his full Asgardian outfit, so the others know that it must be extremely serious if he didn’t even change. Several moments pass, and still Thor doesn’t continue.

“Sooooo, what’s going on? Legolas beat your Robin Hood? Does Thorin have to vanquish Smaug? The elves are finally going to eat meat? What Thor? Throw us a bone here.” Tony rambled, try to prompt Thor into speaking. Thor just gave him a look an extremely confused puppy would give.

“I do not know of the people who you speak of, friend Tony. But the situation does involved elves.” Thor paused, carefully choosing his next words,” You all know that Loki is carrying out his punishment in Asgard’s prisons, but so does the rest of the Nine Realms. Loki has played a huge part in all of the realms. Since he is the most powerful sorcerer in Yggdrasil, he has helped many people with his magic and they have become reliant on him. Almost all of the realms have been demanding my father and mother to lessen Loki’s sentence or to change his punishment.”

“How many of the other realms are asking this, Thor?” Natasha sat ramrod straight in her chair, her full attention on Thor. The others mimicked her, well except Tony, who was periodically look at his phone.

“Seven of them, Lady Natasha. The only realm to fully state that war would be a resultant if Loki’s punishment isn’t changed is Helheim.”

“Helheim? Why would the world of the dead want Loki out of prison?” Bruce asked, his eyebrows knitting together.

“Hel, the queen of Helheim, is Loki’s daughter.” Thor looked at them as if this was the most common of knowledge.

“What?! Loki has a daughter?” Clint shouted. Several similar exclamations were made by the others. Thor justed looked at them like they were idiots.

“Of course, he has many children, but Hela is not the only one of his offspring that is threatening Asgard for Loki. Princesses Glut and Sigyn have made strong arguments for their twins Einmyria and Eisa, Narvi and Vali. And Angrboda, the ruler of the Iron Woods, has also threatened to stop trade for Jormungand's defence for Loki. But one of the most shocking statements is Fenrir and the giants in Jotunheim have also thrown in their support with Hela’s declaration of war.”

The rest of the Avengers were silent. They had never thought that Loki would have so much support. Or even kids. They looked at Thor than at each other; they were all in a state of shock and it showed on their faces, but just barely on Natasha’s. And Tony, who was looking down at his phone.

“What’s going to happen Thor?” Steve cautiously asked, not really wanting an answer.

“I have convinced my father, the Allfather, to let Loki carry his punishment out here on Midgard. I hope that a punishment similar to my own will help Loki find the error in his ways.” It was easy to the hope on Thor’s face, and even Clint wasn't so heartless to tell him that he was probably wrong.

“So where is he Thor? Invisible?” Tony asked, not looking up from his phone.

“I wanted to first acquire permission from you, friend Tony, to know if it is fine if Loki were to live with us.” He turned his puppy-dog eyes on Tony, who was barely paying attention, and gave no response.

“Tony! Could you please put the phone away?” Steve sounded extremely exasperated, feeling like he was talking to a rebellious teenager. Tony glared at him before shutting it off and shoving it into his pocket.

“Please, I know Loki has done crimes against you, but I truly think that given the chance, he could change, and learn again to help others like he did not too long ago.” Thor was almost begging them now.

“But what about the people who want Loki to be free? How would they react to him being on Midgard?” Natasha asked, trying to gain as much information as she could.

“They would have to come here to seek Loki’s help, but coming to Midgard is much easier for the other realms, than to travel to Asgard’s prison.” Thor answered right away.

The Avengers looked at each other, not really knowing if they should let Loki stay with them. Thinking back to the invasion, he actually didn’t hit over two hundred deaths, and his magi didn’t really measure up to Amora or Doom's. All Loki had done was shoot blasts of magic and make a few flickering illusions. He was smart, but really, his plan had so many holes in it, that the Swiss could have sold it for a large price. But he did have a history with magic, and they really needed that knowledge if they wanted to survive in future battles with magic.

“Well, I think it would be alright if Loki stayed here, but we need to take several precautions if he does,” Steve announced. Nobody disagreed with him and for the rest of breakfast they talked about living conditions, restraints to put on Loki, how to handle the beings who wanted Loki’s help, and Steve even gave them a lecture on treating Loki like a team member (this was mainly aimed at Tony and Clint). Thor was ecstatic that his friends wanted to know his little brother and were even willing to let him become an Avenger. He obviously couldn’t think of one thing that could go wrong. Everyone else did though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three days after the discussion, Thor left in the morning, and returned late that evening with Loki. All of the Avengers were on edge, even Tony, who surprisingly, wasn’t on his phone. They had informed SHIELD and Fury hadn’t been happy, but when Tony had insured that Avenger Tower was completely Loki proof, even the room Loki would be living in, Fury relented.

The Avengers were all waiting in the common living room, without weapons because Steve thought it would be impolite to meet Loki, the guy who tried to take over the world, with weapons drawn. When the light of the Bifrost appeared on the balcony, Thor was standing there with Loki. Loki wasn’t in his full battle regula like Thor. Instead he wore a slightly fancy green tunic with black leather pants and boots. He also wasn’t wearing the muzzle he had left with, but he had the same handcuffs on. Thor was smiling, and started to stroll towards them, almost dragging Loki with him.

“My friends, we thank you for waiting for our arrival.” Thor boisterously bellowed to them. Loki looked the complete opposite of thankful, with an extremely surly expression. They came into the living room, the rest of the Avengers standing, not wanting to be defenceless in front of an ex-enemy. Nobody said anything, even Thor, who was looking between his friends and brother, hoping the tension would dissolve.

“Welp, if no one will say anything, I will. Welcome to la casa de Stark. Now, just for your godliness, we have come up with several rules that you WILL be following, but we’ll talk about that later. Right now I have something to say to you.”

“Tony-” But even Steve couldn’t stop Tony from doing what he did next.

“SQUAWK!!”

Everyone’s jaws dropped. What? Did Tony Stark just squawk? Loki looked at Tony with a blank expression before he responded with:

“SQUAWK!”

Both billionaire and god looked at each other before they started squawking at each other for the next minute. What?!

“Squawk!”

“Squawk!”

“Squawk!”

“Squawk!” They did this until both of them were panting. Smirking, Tony stepped toward Loki, roughly grabbed him by the hair and pulled him into a bruising kiss. This left everyone else speechless, and Tony and Loki breathless.

“Come on Penguin, I set up your room and everything.” Tony grabbed Loki by the chains and led him to his room. None of the other Avengers really wanted to follow them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning found the Avengers, minus Tony, in the kitchen, with no one wanting to talk about what had had happened. That was until the unmentioned, goateed elephant walked into the room.

“Mornin’ everyone! Hey do we have any tea? And a few pounds of sugar?” Tony was talking a mile a minute, showing he was nervous.

“Friend Tony, I appreciate you trying to obtain tea for my brother, but could you possibly explain why you and he are sharing a bed?” Thor was definitely living up to the name of a god, with the glare he was giving Tony.

“Yes Tony, explain why you are fornicating with the enemy,” Steve demanded, pulling out his Captain America voice. Looking around at everyone, Tony sighed, brushed his hand through his uncombed hair and started speaking.

“It was before Loki was shipped back to Asgard. I was really excited about learning about their technology, and since that bridge was broken and I couldn’t go myself, I thought about communicating with someone from there. Sorry Thor, I couldn’t ask you, you still don’t know how to turn on the sports channel.” Thor’s glare darkened. “So, I figured that Loki was smart enough not to destroy a cell phone, so I gave him one. Long story short, we’ve been texting each other and became friends and a little more.” Tony finished with his signature smile, hoping he wouldn’t get into too much trouble.

“Loki’s the one you’ve been texting this whole time?!” Clint exclaimed. “What the fuck dude?! He’s the villain! He tried taking over Earth!!”

“Hey! No! Loki was brainwashed. Don’t give me that look. He was, just like you Clint. Look at the camera footage, his eyes are blue up until the Bruce made him into a ragdoll! And it’s not like I was giving away our secrets to him! You guys saw our conversation, it was just us goofing around.”

“Tony, why didn’t you tell us this information before?” Natasha kept her face neutral, but her eyes were dangerous.

“Would you have believed me? Or thought that Loki was truly innocent?” The other Avengers didn’t have anything to say to that. It was true, they wouldn't have believe him. After a few minutes, Thor spoke up.

“But why do you call my brother a penguin? He isn’t a Midgardian bird. Well, not usually.”

“He told me he was a Frost Giant and wasn’t affected by the cold, so I thought of a penguin. He also told me how he could barely walk and had to waddle when he was pregnant with his triplets.” Tony smiled at the memory of Loki texting furiously about how troublesome it had been. Thor also chuckled at the memory, how Loki was asking everyone for a footrub. The others were just extremely shocked that Loki could be pregnant.

That was when Loki decided to grace them all with his presence. He strode in wearing Tony’s ACDC shirt and sweats, hair in untamed curls. Kissing Tony on the head, he elegantly seated himself on Tony’s lap.

“I’m glad you all find my discomfort hilarious,” he drawled, giving them all a slightly disdained look.

“It’s not like that, babe,” Tony said, giving Loki a chaste kiss. “You just sound adorable as hell, uh no, the Norns.” Loki smiled at him, glad he wasn’t using his daughter’s name as a curse.

“Well, you could always make me that way if you so wish,” Loki smirked, a wicked gleam in his eye.

“Ok, no. We are not talking about getting Norse gods pregnant. Welcome to the team Loki, now could you two please stop acting like love-struck teenagers, and let us eat in peace?” Clint begged. And everyone laughed at Clint’s discomfort with the situation, and thus the Avengers added a new member to their team, but of course, nobody could really predict what that really insured.

For example, the following week, the human Avengers, except Tony, found out that Loki was a shapeshifter when they found Tony with a green-eyed penguin that had skills at mischief. It was going to be interesting living with Loki.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I am not really sure if I want to make a sequel for this story. But feel free to give me your thoughts! :) Until next time!!


End file.
